The Funny Side of DICON™

What is DICON?

Q: DICON? I thought it was DICOM. With an M.
A: Nope, it’s DICON… unless you actually know what you’re talking about. THEN, it’s DICOM. (Read the Disclaimer below.)

Unique Haiku

Find the right study
Which element is unique?
Instance UID?

Duplicates Haiku

Now, wait a minute:
(0020,000D) seems familiar.
Stupid duplicates.

Dentist Joke

Q: What do dentists call their x-ray images?
A: Tooth pics.

Rejection Joke

Did you hear the one about the rejected association? What, too soon?

Sophisticated Society Joke

Q: How do you make a good port wine?
A: Attach a DICOM archive to it and send it an HTTP request.

Definitions

RSNA = Real System Not Available (Anonymous)

PACS = Pain And Constant Suffering (Derek Mize, CHI, TN)

Group 28 Joke

Q: What’s black and white and red all over?
A: A SOP instance for an 8-bit grayscale CT image with incorrect values for about 8 different Group 28 elements.

Snacking

Q: Is there a recommended snack while using DICON?
A: Yes, the preferred and most delicious food for any DICON user is Dicon (known also as Chinese radish, sometimes misspelled Daikon).

Psychiatrist Joke

This lady is distraught and goes to her psychiatrist for advice. Says to the psychiatrist, “Doc, I’m really concerned. I’m not sure what to do about my new boyfriend. He’s a DICON programmer, but he’s also a drug dealer, an inside trader, a domestic terrorist, a tree hugger, a trial attorney and a tobacco industry lobbyist.” “I see. So, what is your concern?” says the psychiatrist. “Well, he’s meeting my parents for the first time and I want to know if I should tell them that he’s a DICON programmer.”

DICON Programmer Threat Levels

DICON 5	Calls it “DICOM,” applies test-driven development, uses standard object-oriented languages, follows good design and programming practices, automates unit testing, implements most or all aspects of the current DICOM Standard. Knows David Clunie personally. Throws empty cans of Diet Schwepps® (the fridge is out of Coke!) at anybody who says “DICON.”
DICON 4	Implements some non-standard and proprietary support for embedding Word documents in a private tag. Sometimes looks at you like you are a doofus if you say “DICON.”
DICON 3	Tries to instantiate multiple Store SCP servers, listening on separate ports, running in the same process, rather than just having a single server listening on multiple ports. Politely corrects those who call it “DICON,” with a knowing “I think it might actually be called DICOM.” Occasionally.
DICON 2	Pretty much just releases Mallinckrodt CTN with a “fresh coat of paint,” and frequently mentions their full support for “the DICON.” Thinks McCormick Place is where you can buy some pretty good herbs, spices and seasonings.
DICON 1	Often proudly remarks, “Yeah, we use all the DICON.” Searches dictionary.com before client meeting to try to pick up a few buzzwords.

Limerick

There once was a PACS from Nantucket
Whose database was the bit bucket.
When you Query/Retrieve
No tech could believe
Its DIMSE response would say “stuff it”.

Deep Thought

PDU replay capturing is a great tool for aggression testing.

Holiday Song
Sung to the tune of “Oh Come, All Ye Faithful”

DICON, all ye stateful PACS and mini-archives,
DICON, ye, oh images of RIS, HIS and Nuke.
Find and C-Store ’em, archive all your data files.

Refrain:
Oh, migrate, move and filter, oh, monitor and log ’em,
Oh, route or store and forward, DICON the world.

Tarzan Joke

Q: How do you know that you got a study from the TarzanStore PACS.
A: By its Calling AEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Party Joke

A guy wanted to impress a girl at a party so he walked up and introduced himself as a DICON Accession Number and she responded, “What, you think that makes you unique?”

Bar Joke

A priest, a rabbi and a DICON programmer walk into a bar. Bartender looks up and says, “What is this, some kind of a joke?”

Store SCP Bar Joke

This Q/R C-find request walks into a DICON Store SCP bar. Taking exception, the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your type here.”

Light Bulb Joke

Q: How many DICON programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The IT department should take care of that.

Rejected Pickup Request Message

DICON programmer in bar: “Hey baby, I sure would like to make an association with your service class provider, if you know what I mean.”

Non-DICON lady: “Um… I have no idea what you mean. Do you want to buy me a drink?”

Top Ten Signs You’re a DICON^TM Programmer

10	You decided to print out PS3.3.
9	You frequently consider what other types of data you could put into the pixel data tag.
8	You attend your company Halloween party as the DICONATOR.
7	You use the Ultrasound Multi-frame Image Storage abstract syntax like it’s going out of style.
6	Conformance claim? My dog ate it.
5	You’re not using the DICOM Connectivity Framework from Laurel Bridge Software to develop your app. (Sorry, the marketing dept. made me put this one in because they thought having a page of DICOM jokes was stupid.)
4	You turn to George Clooney* for DICOM advice.
3	You use instance UIDs as primary keys in the database.
2	Transfer Syntax? Schmansfer Syntax.
1	Annotations? You burn ’em in.

Look Both Ways

Q: Why did the DICON cross the road?
A: To find the store with the lossless compression transfer syntax.

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
HIPAA
HIPPA who?
I can’t tell you that.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
DICON
DICON who?
The Wrath of DICON

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
DICON
DICON who?
DICON’t remember my SOP Instance UID!

Radiologist Jokes

You Know You’re a Radiologist When…

Written by Amir Fuad

you switch off all the room lights when watching TV or when you are at the computer.
the strawberry milkshake at McDonald’s turns you off (It looks like a barium preparation for a swallow).
someone asks a favour from you in the middle of the night, you say, “Will it make much of a difference if I do it for you tomorrow morning, instead?”
someone asks you to comment on a picture, you use words like “soft”, “too noisy”, “motion blurring”, etc.
you refer to dust on your wedding photo as “artifacts”.
your spouse asks you how your day was, you describe it in detail and sum it up by giving an overall impression.
you always wonder what’s that thing hanging around other doctor’s necks, and then suddenly it hits you – it’s a stethoscope!
every time you see other people’s hands, you think to yourself, “Mmmmm…good veins!”.
someone asks you what’s the best contraceptive, you say, “X-ray”.
in order to drive the point home that your spouse took too many photos with the camera, you do a reject analysis.

Radiologist Diagnosis… Oh, Snap!

A radiology technician in a hospital emergency room took X rays of a trauma patient. The tech brought the films to the radiologist, who studied the multiple fractures of both femurs and pelvis.

“What happened to this patient?” the radiologist asked in astonishment.

“He fell out of a tree,” the tech replied.

“What was he doing up in a tree?”

“I’m not sure, but his paperwork states he works for Acme Tree Experts.”

Gazing intently at the X rays, the radiologist blinked and said, “Cross out ‘experts.'”

Explanation

We know, we know. DICOM humor? DICOM jokes? Truth is, when you’re writing DICOM, or as we like to call it, DICON^TM, code all day you need an outlet. We suggested beer. Boss said no. So, we’re left with these DICON jokes, presented for your “enjoyment.” BTW, you can submit a DICON joke to us if you like, but why would you?

And because radiologists use DICON and the results of all the hard work of countless DICON programmers, we have also included selected radiologist humor, for which we humbly apologize.

Helpful Tool for Bad DICON Jokes

We have found that this tool is helpful when negotiating bad all DICON jokes. It might make some of them actually seem funny. Just in case, we also recommend this tool.

Disclaimer

DICON^TM is an un-registered, albeit highly satirical, trademark of Laurel Bridge Software, Inc., and now just in case Yanny Bridge Software, Inc., and is intended for use only when referring to what some call “DICOM” software. But you, I, and Steve Minner know better, now don’t we? Proof is left as an exercise to the reader. This disclaimer is included here because we noticed, much to our surprise, that a Google search for DICON results in over 300,000 hits. Who knew? So, with this page we hope we can add to the confusion by providing these DICOM jokes.

Some of the material above is not original. Whenever possible we have identified the original author and provided a link to the original source material. Let us know if we have not provided proper credit and we will gladly do so.

*George Clooney is not affiliated with David Clunie, so far as we know. Clunie flies planes while Clooney flies motorcycles.

Submissions

If you truly feel the need to share your DICOM joke with us, we welcome you to submit them to our jokemaster and then promptly seek DICOM humor counseling.